For a long time Rihanna didn’t want to talk publicly about her abusive relationship with R&B star Chris Brown and last year’s incident when she was badly beaten by her boyfriend. But now the 22-year-old is over the painful past and decided to open up to Marie Claire UK about her experience.
"I was very lost. I have to say I felt really confused," Rihanna told the magazine in its December issue. "I hate talking about it but it was really crazy because I felt so out of touch with myself and when that happens ... It's scary because nothing you say or do feels like it's you." "You just lose touch of everything that you love and everything that you would normally do; how you would dress or how you would say something," she said. "It just feels like it's not coming from you. It's just this one empty vase. I felt like an empty vessel."
Surprisingly the couple got back together for a short time but eventually broke up after Brown pled guilty to a felony assault charge in June of 2009. He was sentenced to community service, probation and domestic violence counseling.
"Eventually, I remember waking up one day and I knew I was over it," Rihanna said. "One day. I remember I was in New York at the Trump Hotel and I woke up and I just knew I was over it."
She believes the whole experience was a "turning point" in her life.
"That's what God was giving to me (…) All this terrible stuff they say to you, it breaks you down. But once you're back on your feet - if you ever make it back on your feet - that's the ultimate achievement."
"I feel like I smile for real this time," she said. "The smiles come from inside, and it exudes in everything I do. People feel my energy is different. When I smile they can tell that it's pure bliss and not just a cover up."